The DiVot Code

      While conducting some ‘field research’ for my latest article, I was fortunate to stumble upon a secret society that knows the answer to one of the world’s most perplexing mysteries.  For years, The Knights Fescue have closely guarded the truth, but they let me into the inner circle and now I can finally explain “Why do dogs eat grass?”

     Insisting that we meet on his turf, the Chief of The Knights Fescue gave me directions to his hidden fortress—the Temple of Sod.  It was located in the old, seedy side of town.  The Chief Knight was dressed in green and wore a ceremonial blade around his waist.

            When I asked why dogs eat grass?, the Knight answered, “Because they don’t have thumbs.”  He went on to explain that dogs understand their world based on how it feels in their mouth. Dogs test everything for pressure, taste, and texture. Since they can’t pick things up with their paws, everything ends up in the mouth!

            “But some dogs will chew on grass to make themselves sick.  Why is that?”

            The Knight leaned forward and spoke in hushed tones.  “That’s not exactly true,” he said.  “Dogs can actually throw up any time they want.  It’s as easy as wagging their tail.”  I couldn’t believe it!

            “Really,” he continued, “they can control the muscle up and down their esophagus—so when they want to throw up—they just do it.”

            “Yet, all dog owners have seen their pet eat some grass and then become sick.”

            The Knight germinated on this for a moment.  “Yes, we have to weed out the fact from the fiction. Some dogs will eat grass to try and settle their stomach.  This is a lot like a person who will eat a few crackers to curb nausea.”

            “Why do so many dogs have upset stomachs?”

            “Usually, it’s because they ate too quickly or too much. Sometimes, it’s because they ate some people food or cat food!”  I liked this Knight . . . he was down-to-earth.

            “Is there a special nutrient in grass that helps settle the stomach?”

            “No, grass is about 80 percent water and about 20 percent fiber. It doesn’t have much nutritional value—particularly when you only have one stomach!  Dogs and people digest their food the same way—when is the last time you saw a person eating hay?”

            “Are dogs eating grass out of some instinctive need for more fiber or vitamins in their diet?”

            “Ha ha,” he laughed, “you do have a fertile imagination.  No, dogs can’t sense the nutrients in grass any more than you crave bran muffins when you’re constipated. Or do you?”  Though his piercing look could have mowed me over, the cutting edge answers were beginning to grow on me.

            The Knight continued, “Let me plant this idea--- when it comes to eating grass, dogs are pretty simple. If the grass smells good, has a nice texture, or tastes good, then they are going to eat it.  Dogs eat grass for the same reasons that people chew gum—it gives them something to do. ”

            A bell chimed in the Temple of Sod and I knew that our interview was at an end.  Without another word, the Knight Fescue jumped on his riding lawn mower and puttered away.